2nd week at work

tired after the yoga lesson...
but it's nice to exercise again
so i guess i wont be doing exercise for one whole week again
cuz it has been raining the whole week

results are coming out soon!!!
everyone is saying that..
im getting nervous cuz im not mentally prepared yet


monday:
it was the 6th sharing session for math dept meeting
but it is the first meeting that i attended
so cool can??

anyway yt said i look very classy today==)))
and mr chua said i look like a teacher from top to botoom
anyway... everybody at bai nian said the same thing to me too

the meeting was fun!
just... the teachers are very friendly to one another... no conflicts .. though some minor disputes regarding the syllabus and lecture notes.. but it is very fun to shoot here and there

was discussing and asking some questions regarding pursuing math at uni...
got some info... and realise most of the teachers have got moe teaching scholarship

well... i really hope i can get one... really really hope...
if i cannot get one... so be it ba... i tried my best


went for math lecture ...
its just.. the same old usual thing again
but s27 is indeed a fun class to teach=)

tuesday:
had morning lessons with s27.. went thru all the math tutorial with them
not much problem i guess

had gossiping sessions with my junior again!
and also consulted jia hui...
she is really hardworking .. can see that she finishes all her tutorial with pride!
i hope she does well at A lvls=))

wednesday:
no lessons today..
oh i went there really late
cuz of the bus again...
i really want to explode the bus down man
just in time to sit in for miss praba's lesson
she is a good teacher =)

then sit in for some more lessons..
getting restless liao

anyway yt wanna try blood donation again
so i accompanied her and reminsce two years ago when i was at mpr3
i was very vexed then cuz i don really settle well enough at pj
i remembered i went blood donation with my fellow s12 peeps...
played many games with them
and know alot more friends with asta together
and i find that.. hmm the people here are rather friendly after all
just.. what happen to me??
i must be living in the past again...

and i remembered i talked to mrs tan the principal when she came in to take a look
and she told me abt the acjc girl who want to come back to pj but in the end couldnt
and also... if im pretty not settled down in pj i wouldnt be here to donate blood..
i find it quite right too.. she got me to ponder and consider abt my decision again
in the end i was stubborn enough to left this place.. but within a few hours i came back AGAIN!

also, after donating my blood...
i think i donated over the limit and the helpers didnt take closer look enough
i fainted at the seat..
prob due to the long waiting hours .. going hungry

then the nurse came and help me with my blood pressure
after awhile i 'regain consiousness'
people around me.. are showing care and concern
so i guess afterall it is a caring place to be in
and i still remember yiyao accompanying me on the bus stop and chatting with me abt my decision
perhaps that is the time i started to realise that after all it is not too bad...

and yes.. back to the topic
now so cute la.. got signboard like station 1... consent forms and so on
it makes the process go faster without having to wait on seats queuing up
so many people came forward to donate their blood
i wanted to donate too.. but i think i am not in a good position to donate due to low blood pressure
so i 'suan' mr dennis lee to donate... haha


so i feel very extra there cuz everybody is 'altruistic' (is there such a word?) enough to help out NUH blood bank
but nvm im giving moral support to yt since this is her 3rd time trying
we waited for an hour already
chatted on the seat
and qianru from s13 saw us and came over to chat with us
and miss eileen toh was with us too and we waited...
and also there are many teachers who donated their 'young' blood too (as quoted by mr wong)

sadly, 3rd try failed
don so sad lah...
sincerity and thought counts alot..

so we went bp to buy ww present
take note is yt buy not i buy.. im just there to witness
then over to popular to glance a look at yt's 'shuai ge'
ok la not that bad
so we went to pet shop to take a look at those pets
was talking abt the different breed of dogs
and got confused between lassie and collie...

bichon frise is a funny dog... it looks cloudy



Coton De Tulear is so fluffy ... not bad not bad...

cant stand this kind of dog... komondor.. how to see???
i think malti pom is a bimbo dog.. haha oops.. no offence



browse thru pictures on a website on different kinds of dog breeds from A to Z

so i got a conclusion that i want i like most is

it looks like american eskimo dog and eskimo dog
above is a keeshond dog.. looks like it too
and therefore i got my answer!!!

its POMERANIAN!

it has got sharp pointed ears.. thats what i like it ... and it's cute

pomeranian rocks!!!

thursday:

mth much today...
oh i taught a class today H1 math...
and it rained in the middle of my lesson
so despite my little sor throat ..
i have to raise my voice to compete with the rain

then s13 is yanting's lesson again...
it was raining heavily... we dont feel like going home...
so we stayed in school for awhile chatting with miss cheng
feel so great to chat with her

friday:
tgif!
helped out miss cheng with sirius stuff and chatted alot
lecture again
s27 is really getting cuter.. haha

got these bears!!
一个是我，一个是你

cute rite?

these bears are newly made for orientation 09...
and this is part of the opack..
it's cool to have a pj identity! with house tees
i think it's cool when they wear pj uniform!
so yt got the byron one and i got the polo one =) it's nice!
lalalaa... ml u should know what does that means!!!

anybody wants to buy this bear???

i can help u all to buy at $3 each
or maybe a lvl results release can go sanctuary buy.. haha
still have other houses wan too
byron darwin owens nobel keller polo...
yellow orange light blue darkblue red and green=)

class outing at heerens

longed for another class outing...
and this time round... it's getting lesser and lesser peeps
but got around 10 of us la...
good enough
i went there late due to tuition
it was raining heavily but thank goodness i was travelling there while it was raining
and the way i wore was kinda weird though haha...

ate a meal (donno lunch or dinner) at shokudo...
caught up with some of my classmates and we had a great time
then there was this elmo which is distributing balloons..
later did i knew that the guy was proposing to her beloved girl ...
how sweet that can be

walked for awhile at taka..
first time see guys shopping for their stuff

after that we went for an icecream
i ate lemon gelato...
nobody want to share the cost with me so i paid for my own
so nice!!!

after that we had nth to do so we went back
we separated since some of them took 190 and me jl and ww took the train
heard that ww wanna go bugis..
i feel like going bugis to get some stuff and accessories but don wan la...
so weird cuz his friends are there...

so i headed for home instead=)

though we are sitting side by side...
we still feel as though we are strangers..
and that feeling seems normal anyway...
~silence**

First day teaching

i started work yesterday
but today then start teaching
my lesson is at 8am , it's early
me and yt went in to the class room
introduce ourselves.
but yt made a mistake when she intro
so i went HUH.... i mean.. i was too quick and rude :P SORRY!!

i got them to intro their friend beside them and this got a whole round
done within 15 mins?
maybe they don have much to say la (not like us)
i guess it went alright...
just that perhaps im too stranger to them...
we just have to get use to it thats all

after that miss xiao was sick so she went back
and ask us to take over her lesson
so i went to s10 for another...
it went rather fast lah
abit bored i guess
so next lesson i shall use visualiser to flash my working=)
its faster... the students can just refer and i don have to ask them come up present
waste time

we slack til very late
cuz mainly i was chatting with my juniors
i suddenly find that actually arh.. my sch very interesting de
for the first 5 batches of people
we seems to know them from up to down
then from the next 5 onwards jiu donno liao

we gossip here and there
like so many things to catch up with them on...
they knew too many things
maybe last time i was too ignorant then
i din even have my own time to notice my juniors...

they are a happy go lucky batch
i'll definitely support them all the way thru A levels!

First day @ work

rights... it's my first day at work today
basically i don have any lessons going on today except a lecture
conducted by mr wong... haha he is funny

then went on to do our thumbprint detect
it's quite fun
we were like stoning in the GO for donno how long...

but at least we get to taste how is it like in the living room!
the new lounge... =)

kept ignoring the disgusting jerk today but who cares, his lessons just don work i guess

me and yt went for an excercising session and played ping pong for a while til we are bored
and chatted alot alot alot at canteen

tmr's my first lesson during first period..
gotta go in and set rules...
and build rapport with them...
hope everything goes well enough.

vexed

HAPPY total defence day
heard the siren sound while i was practising yoga today
it was the first lesson of yoga after like four months of slacking?
rights.. back to normal life

why do i have to make difficult decisions all the time when going to a new environment graduating from schools to schools??

i wanted to go NTU SPMS (School of Physics and Mathematical Sciences)
to pursue math (or perhaps math and econs) at a deeper level
this will broaden me to many paths other than a teacher

i have a passion for teaching
but i'm afraid this passion will not last me long...
so i want to opt for this choice instead

however, having heard and adviced by my parents
that it's good to go straight to NIE
get paid and ur career will be stable
mainly due to financial reasons and that my father may not have that much to pay for my education

i cant bear to turn my ear away
but i just don want to limit myself to just one career track
as in i want to have flexibility in my career choices
perhaps i would not want to step into teaching afterall?
it's not practical in the long run
yes i'll be paid and this can allow me to spend for myself

it will be a win win situation if i am able to get myself a scholarship
and thats it...
my financial problems will be solved

but i don think too highly of myself being able to get a scholarship
so i need to have plan B

what should i do?
i see how it goes?
i may not be able to enter SPMS afterall...
min grade AAB

if i get into SPMS
i will study for 4 years
and if my passion for teaching still lasts
i will study another year at NIE

but i go to NIE
i will study and get paid at the same time
so i don have to worry abt financial problems

i cannot be so selfish all the time
and i have to spare a thought for my parents

imagine over 20 k per year
that's alot...

i'm worrying now...

well anyway i shall go do more research about uni stuff then
and find mrs tay for more more advice

thinking of starting work tmr
one makes me excited to see the juniors
another exciting school day ?
but thinking of seeing that disgusting jerk tmr makes me ill

RIP jtjj...
was sad after hearing the news like one hour ago ? (very slow)

GET WELL!

to this guy called jtjj:
though i do not know u but heard from friends around me that u have met with a mishap
i hope and pray that u will wake up and recover asap...
friends around us will support u all the way!
加油! 加油! 加油 =)


life is soo vulnerable...
therefore, cherish and treasure it as much as u can from now

school day with formal wear

i met up with yt today to meet mrs tan and mr chua
i donno if it's bus sick..
i couldnt finish the packet of nasi lemak i bought


met up with mrs tan at first
i think she forgot me liao
i was the girl who talked to her during PAE
at the blood donation drive
well anyway she says A levels results are soon going to be released
oh no...


there are a total of 4 RTs in the math dept
with the two of us, mr lee and liyang


mr chua showed us around
but for me and yt to know the place it's kinda extra cuz we have been real familiar
except for the staff room
so sad we 've given two small tables next to miss xiao's table...
oh btw, miss xiao was my mentor.
yey! donno if she remembers me


mr chua kept repeating our names until he got confused, haha
he is a good teacher!
perhaps we've been mistaken by him during our jc times cuz he is the DM last time

he briefed us on our SOW (scheme of work)
and later did i know that mr dennis yeo and mrs beh had left
mdm ong cc went for maternity leave up til term 3 means we don get to see her
we saw MRSTAY! but didnt manage to meet up with her


after that we went to crash the orientation but before that i ran into my juniors
we left school but the yanting arh...
keep harping on her clothes ... like so weird the way she's wearing

we went bowling after that and out of courtesy she ask ly if he wanna join bowling
and i was surprised that he agreed to join in

i shouldnt have gone to bowling in the first place cuz ultimately, even though i've seen her friends before.. i wouldnt want to join in

but having said i want to practise my bowling... and i knew her friends ... so i 勉强的答应
was introvert i guess
i could have JUST LEFT cuz i wasnt feeling right


on the way there he analysed our character like...
what the
it's only a few hours and u are talking about our character...
so what if we have different characters.. ultimately we are best buds
does that even concern u?
i dislike pple like that

i want to make friends or befriend people by talking about other things like common interests, natural things that are happening around the world... or even joke around...

but talking about character... it just sucks okay 我很讨厌这种人的咯

alright nvm...
we started bowling and i lost
and yes again.. i am not good at bowling
got 36... in fact better than my last 3 tries
after that i improved! and broke my target i set with YT
a 55 (my target was 50)
not too bad...

though i am not good at sport...
but i think any guy would perform better..
but then that gk like not much better than me lor...
you just pick any guy from my class and he will easily break a 70 even if first time bowling lor

yanting's frens...

shall not post the photo with him so as not to pollute my blog

we went to waraku for lunch and i shared a meal with yt...
it's nice!
after that i went home .. with him
i should have stayed for stopping
or maybe I SHOULDNT HAVE COME LA

on the way home he talk cock so much
what i am quiet and yanting is outspoken
but actually i'm not quiet...
keep probing into my family...
and asking me about china
i was like.. excuse me.. u are related to china u should know more abt china
and i should be the one asking abt china and why is it the other way round
weird...

so i talk cock lor.. donno if i said the correct stuff
自己的故乡自己都不懂
i regret talking so much to him
and even though im not talking..
he would ask me if there's anything on my mind...
why are u reading people's mind???
i'm not close to u anyway...

worse still he keep asking me about my first impression of him
when he already tell us what's his first impression of us
i don even care a damn cuz i know everywhere i go..
my face will give pple the same old impression and nth really interesting

do u know that it's so superficial to ask pple abt first impression
and it's like you want people to tell u abt first impression and so that u can change to be a better person
cant u be urself? that's more genuine and pragmatic rite?
everybody is unique..
and that is probing into people's privacy
and i hate that

so i would just be as superficial to him then..

one look i can tell that he is from china (does this counts as first impression)
and then other than that the first impression he gave was very negative
so u wan me to say out?
and he keep probing me into my answer..
i will NOT TELL HIM
so eccentric and weirdo...

cant even tell us what is nice about NS and college life..
must be weird at school

i trust my judgement.. it always prove me right
我看人呢，决对不会错的

wonder how to pass my time at pj...
yanting u are gone cuz i will stick to u!!!

i shall just be myself

i kinda worry for yt cuz i thot she is fine with this friend
but LUCKILY she have the same consensus with me...
i just told her off that i will puke lor working with this type of people
i hate to see pple around me when i dislike them

i said... i rather this person be very dao ... or very unreasonable
i'm ok with that
but with eccentric people i cant stand it
stalkers ....

i dont mind if u talk abt character...
but that's after if we knew each other for long...
and we are very close..
like what we usually talk abt during our gossiping sessions
but imagine only a few hours...

so my conclusion:
I COULD HAVE JUST PS YANTING...

Genting 2009

my first holiday trip to genting this year
after like 1 year of mugging?
supposed to have friends who are accompanying me there
but all are busy with work
so i guess i shall go there alone with my parents

wake up so early in the morning to catch the coach
was a long bus ride
but not too long as i expected
we reached there about 12 plus?

so we took a little rest and went about with lunch and casino for my parents
for lunch we ate at hou mei (好味 in canto)
i ate a big hawaiian burger and it's so filling
my mum ate curry noodles , cannot rem what my dad eats
and then suddenly in the middle the light goes off
electricity got tripped off or sth

after that i went to shop for things for myself
yes alone....
look at some clothes
wanted to buy a tank top but hai.. no colour of my choice
and i don wanna get a black wan cuz i know some peeps in the class has it and i don want to clash with them
so forget it
saw some clothes but they are quite ex
and then some too outdated liao

bought some earrings and of course... i got a nice fancy hat=)
then my watch is spoiled
supposed to meet my dad at the hotel at 530pm
my watch keeps reading 440pm so i thot there is still time
but when i checked my hp... it's way beyond time!
my poor father squatting outside the hotel cuz the key is with me
hee hee hee

went dinner tgt...
then after that i go walk walk with my dad
play some arcade games and we are lousy at it
so ===== waste money
then my papa bring me to this lounge...
some bar.. i cant rem the name
yeah im 18 i can go in!
to watch arsenal vs newcastle??? or portsmouth ???cant remember
drank my drink...
then so bored...
so i play my phone games
waiting for my mum to bring me to hotel

i'm tired so i turned in early
alone in the hotel
my mummy arh...
she says she want to leave after i've slept ...
so she stared at me when i was closing my eyes
i was wondering ... how come suddenly no sound
so i opened my eyes and there she is staring at me...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
how to sleep when somebody is staring at me??
so i got her to leave first...
sooner or later .. i slept! ALONE

woke up for bfast at the first world VIP cafe
cuz im not member.. so i have to pay
not in good appetite for bfast
so i eat little bit
so many ppl queueing up for eggs and omelette

then i realised that there ISNT ANY AIRCON in genting..
not sure of the meeting rooms
but there isnt any aircon
hai... after 10 years.. i just realised it
they ventilate the whole place using the cool air from outside...
so the windows are basically opened a little
so genting actually save up alot on electricity and water too cuz they have their own supply
and also paper... materials... they have own resources
some where around the mountain perhaps??

my father went spa...
i wanted to go but the voucher only allows one person
so my papa went instead
let him try how is it like inside
apparently there is VERY FEW pple .. close to zero who visited the spa
i shall go there one day when im older
so i went to play some arcade again.. waste money
get some tickets to exchange for some lame things

walk around for more clothes and accessories again
didnt find sth which catches my eye
except for this disney sticker which has my name printed on it

then esp shops like GIRL or MISS WHATEVER
they are SO colourful and fanciful and flowerly and so many many designs
cant stand this kind of fashion

then my mum join me and was hungry
so we went to 上海滩 for a lunch
i ate the ramen... and it's very nice!!!
my mum was having peanut paste... nice too!
then we went to shop for clothes
didnt find sth which is worth it and sth that suits me
hmmm... we walked into the fair that is currently selling mongolia's souvenir
my mum was looking so engrossed and i was waiting for her in G2000
wondered why is she taking so long to come
oh.... she is watching an artist from shanghai drawing a self portrait of a lady
i WANTED 1 too in the beginning...
so we considered for awhile before i wanted it
actually i wanted the small one.. but the artist has no more materials
so we settled with the RM100 including laminating
at least i can get to seat down for awhile after shopping
like SO MANY PPLE are looking at me...
look at me for what??? look at the drawing
i feel as if im a clown ... cuz i was smiling all the way
my mum was looking intently at the drawing
after 20 mins or so... the drawing came out...



in the first place i little bit don find it similar..
but then the trick is... dont look at the front of the drawing..
turn it to the back... and look at the reflection
i got a shock!!!
so similar!!

but luckily the artist drew it nice!!!
at least it looks pretty!!!
alot of pple who crowded around me think it's pretty....
or are they referring to me that i'm pretty???

my mumtold me she got a shock when the artist started to draw my upper part of the face
that my eyes look exactly the same like her when she was around my age=)

it's nice and worth it
i shall go frame it at clementi when i have the time
that is my treasure!

we went down to mushroom farm to have our dinner
it's nice dinner...
i'm eating good...
just that the 黄酒鸡 tastes too WINE-Y!!!

we came up again early so to catch the fireworks!!!
it's the 15th day which is the last day of lunar new year 2009
so genting is presenting fire crackers and fire works
exactly on 8.08pm
for 8 mins

here are some nice ones i caught
btw... i was waiting anxiously for the fireworks right in my hotel sofa
and i don have to squeeze with the crowd to watch the fireworks...
perhaps this is the nicest part of watching fireworks=)
my family will not forget this moment...
perhaps we wanna come up to genting every 15th day of lunar again?
how i wish somebody is there for me...

it's figure 8!

yes... the evening was kinda bright.. 7 plus in the evening when we already started waiting for the night to come...

the flower is bigger than my face!

i guess the nicest part was the fireworks afterall

and the fact that i have my own self portrait!!

i must hold it every second when i am going back to singapore...

tired again...

so i didnt go out after the fireworks..

just slept cuz it's bus ride again the next day

the last day in genting...

had bfast at first world vip cafe

then i shop for an hour or so at the cultural village

buying lots of things

and i said i must at least get a shirt or wad...

so i bought 2 shirts ... which has genting designs

bargain for 2 bucks to be discounted...

kinda regretted cuz the phillipines one was nicer.. then i didnt have money then

bte i think cultural village is an interesting place

cuz it is a long corridor which consists of small shops named the countries that sell souvenirs that those countries are famous of..

like... the middle east. india. korea. japan. myammar. thailand. phillipines. indonesia. china malaysia. traiditional malaysia. singapore. i think that should be all

i bought alot of earrings.. can wear in school when i'm teaching too!! and i love them much...

and also some souvenirs for my friends...

wanna buy alot of more special stuff then...

then we headed down to the bus terminal and boarded the bus...

and it go round and round the mountain...

til it stopped at the usual place where i always have my bak kut teh to warm up my stomach

then... straight to yong peng for 3 to 4 hours or so

i didnt know that the bus didnt stop at one more stop..

so i slept for a while and around 3pm i woke up... feeling urgent

i wondered... when is the bus stopping... maybe 45 min more???

then i waited and waited and waited.. listening to my walkman phone

til 5pm.. still haven stop...

then my neck grew as long as giraffe's... when is the bus stopping???

my father was as anxious as me.. worrying that my bladder will burst...

so i got too desperate in need for a toilet..

then the bus suddenly stopped in the middle of the highway..

kanna caught by police car...

then it took quite a while to settle

as in.. we are not speeding??? nor we are driving too slowly??

what the problem?

so... the tour lady says: the policeman says... ur bus plate number is too vague... not clear... cannot see from far..

i was like........................ speechless

i think they got nothing better to do

waste several hundreds of bucks like that cuz of one stupid carelessness

so i was as urgent...

didnt care..

i started looking at the signboard which tells me how long i have to go before i reach yong peng

then i think the bus is travelling around 110km/h...

so i started calculating the time...

then got fooled by the signboard cuz the yong peng got 2 parts...

the entrance...

and the small minimart / hawker centre

finally at 6pm we reach...

and i faster run to the toilet..

waited for 3 hours liao..........

exciting bus ride huh???

reach singapore kinda early... 7pm?

took a cab home...

and i have to meet the principal and mr chua tmr!!!

here's a video of the fireworks that i cropped out..

i think if u search in youtube... there are nicer ones with sound effects...

and the camera effects is good..

unlike mine...

should go get a camera soon...

tuition

i have to give tuition every saturday
but today i went for class...
she seems to be not ready for my lesson
cuz she's not back yet , outside with her friends
til her mother roar her back to house

but i think she should have sense that there is tuition lesson...

she doesnt look satisfied in lesson
and somemore she didnt complete her work i gave
her mum scolded her
so i was quite disappointed.
she was very good the last week round..
what happen?

am i not appealing or convincing enough to persuade her that she must do her work ... as in this is basic courtesy between tutors and students???
different times now ya?
cuz i also didnt complete my work on time some time
cannot blame ma i really no time

i guess this is part of the experience...

went to carol's house this evening
cute caden!
take a look at those photos when they went to japan
and realise they went to many countries like korea thailand taiwan malaysia
it's like soo good...
i would want to travel!
i hope i can find a husband who really loves travel ? (i think he likes travel.. right?)

ihave to pack up for my genting trip tmr...
it's getting late
alright this time round i'm gng alone...
hope i will meet some surprises there
but i doubt so

What is Love All About?

met up with yt and ww on monday to catch the wedding game..
it is afterall an ok movie to pass time. but i enjoyed it though
to meet the one u love that u hate most initially...

as usual ww was late. so me and yt walked around looking for lao er present
and we finally decided on one.. (toilet sign) before ww suggested a vest (but it was too ex)
then we went back to the shop to get the 'toilet sign', and stumbled upon this piggy doorstop
rather ex for one to buy so we shared

but before that i got to know something abt XXX and YYY
and i actually guessed the correct person on my first try! bingo man...
it's a secret 不能说的秘密
如果要公开也要得通过当事人的批准


then after that we went to weiwen's house since we got nothing better to do
so me and yt went to wrap present using some left over wrappers and patch it up altogether since he doesnt have any proper wrappers.. and even scissors...

how nice of him to make the both of us pancakes when he locked himself in the kitchen
but as i was eating i notice his strand of hair inside and a small fly inside my milk...
the pancake was nice lah=)

unfortunately i had a fall at his house.
cuz it's newly renovated and they have a platform to the living room..
i didnt notice the two different levels and so i fell and hurt my left leg and two toes...
istill feel the pain up til now

are things becoming quite alright between the both of us???
but as we communicate i still feel the crack between us

on tues i went MUGGING with yanting at lot one
our stamina wasnt good and so we left at two for lunch and walk around to chit chat
we chatted alot.. mainly abt relationships, friendships and love

and there was one i quarrelled with yanting abt... how to say?
something to do with some presentation.. the chinese cemetary presentation
something was wrong and conflict sparked
both of us were tired bah.. having to do two presentations at the same time and to struggle with our homework
then she told me sth... which is kinda funny when mer and zh were talking to her in the lt
i was thinking: conflicts are inevitable. whats most impt is that both parties must take initiative to understand whats going on, resolve it, and learn ur mistake so that u wont repeat it again.

talking abt relationships and love...
both of us were SO DAMN 渴望爱情的到来
just when is the right time?
for the past 18 years we didnt have the chance to experience it
perhaps maybe somehow there is a crush on whoever whoever ...
perhaps maybe somehow he is just an eyecandy who doesnt even know u
perhaps maybe somehow he is a good buddy of yours... but 远在天边　近在眼前
that is just not LOVE u see... i think that's just fond and being fond of
u may disagree

everywhere i go today i saw couples so lovingly towards each other
and there i am walking alone...

feeling like a little lost cat.. meow!

i came across an email

能選擇要不要喜歡上一個人或愛上一個人嗎？

這個男孩太傻，為了一個不愛自己的人付出那麼多！....

現在應該很少這種人嚕..若他就在你身邊的話..記得珍惜他..
曾在女孩的記憶中，有那麼一個人。

「我現在喜歡的人，就是我前面的這位啦！」男孩大聲的說著，指著走在他前頭的女孩。

「神經病！」女孩嘀咕著，快速走開那群跟著起鬨的人群，只當男孩拿她開玩笑。

直到某一天，女孩收到了一封信。


『我是真的喜歡妳！我可以為妳做任何事，只要妳喜欢，我都會去做。
一封信就這樣，沒有署名，短短幾句話，但女孩卻知道是男孩寫的。
『那你能現在跳到馬路中央嗎？ 』
女孩在信紙背面寫上這句話，託人交給男孩。


「我能！妳看著。」男孩看了內容，當著她的面衝進馬路中央。

只聽見震聾欲耳的喇叭聲、刺耳的煞車聲、巨大的碰撞聲，以及映入女孩眼簾倒在血泊中的男孩。

「我真的能為妳做任何事．．．．．．」男孩的話救護車高亢的呼聲中，依舊清楚的傳入女孩耳中。

「是你們家的女兒要我們家的孩子衝進馬路中被車撞的！」
「胡說！明明是你們家的兒子自己衝進去的！」

「什麼胡說！他同學說的你們不是也聽見了嗎？我們家的孩子是看了你們女兒的信才衝進去的！」
「真的是這樣嗎？」女孩的母親回頭看著女孩。

「嗯。」女孩點了頭，淚水也在她低下頭的瞬間，滴上了那張寫著男孩與她的字的信紙，似乎也企圖抹殺掉發生的事實。

「你看吧！你們要怎麼賠我兒子的人生！他再也不能打籃球了．．．．．．」男孩的母親歇斯底里的大喊，哭倒在醫院冷硬的地板上。
「這．．．．．．」女孩的父母無言。

「我要你們的女兒陪著我的兒子，直到他再也不需要她的時候，這是你們女兒欠我們的！」男孩的父親說。

「不行！她不愛你兒子啊！你不能那麼自私！」女孩的母親不捨女孩受這種罪。

「好，我會陪著他。」在眾人驚訝的目光中，女孩答應了。


-------------------------兩年後------------------------


在公園的躺椅上，男孩和女孩靜靜的坐著，輕柔的風撫過他們疲憊的心。
「為什麼喜歡我？」女孩開口了。

「能選擇要不要喜歡上一個人或愛上一個人嗎？喜歡上了，愛上了，就是了。」男孩淡淡的說。

「如果有一天我有喜歡的人了，你會放我走嗎？」女孩說。

「我從來沒有綁住過妳，是妳自己不放自己走的。」男孩說。
沒有交談了，只有風吹動落葉的颯颯聲。

男孩說對了，兩年前在他醒來後，他就解除了約定，但女孩始終將自己綁在男孩身邊，她愧疚，因為她的一句玩笑話，毀了男孩的夢，男孩再也不能打籃球了。

-------------------------------------------------------

然而故事卻不會永遠都是好結局，女孩的心給了另一個人，沒有給肯為她付出一切的男孩。


「你為什麼當初要聽我的話！你怎麼那麼笨！」女孩跪倒在地上哭泣。

「我．．．．．．只是愛妳。」男孩說，伸手想將女孩扶起。
「我不要你的愛！」女孩甩開男孩的手。


「你的愛太強烈，害慘了我，你知不知道啊！你知不知道啊！」女孩歇斯底里的哭喊著。
「我．．．．．．」男孩說不出話來。


「為什麼是我！為什麼是我！你為什要愛上我！我討厭你這樣！我討厭！討厭！」女孩用盡所有力氣大聲嘶吼，轉身跑了出去。

女孩的愧疚太深，她沒辦法打開心結，她因為責任而留在男孩身邊，直到她喜歡上別人了，她再也不能忍受不能和喜歡的人在一起的日子，所以她崩潰了，然而也傷了男孩的心。

女孩使勁的跑，用力的跑，淚水模糊她的視線，心中的煩亂讓她沒看對她迎面駛來的卡車．．．．．．
「小心！」伴隨著警告，有人推開了她。

熟悉的碰撞聲響起，再一次，女孩回頭看，再一次的看見倒在殷紅的血泊中。

「我真的能為妳做任何事．．．．．．」男孩說，嘔出一口血，昏了過去。

「不要！」女孩受不了再一次的刺激，她尖叫，使盡所有力氣的尖叫。

「太遲了，肋骨插進內臟，內出血止不住，沒救了。」
「那麼年輕就．．．．．．難道真的沒辦法了嗎？」

醫院裡的人議論紛紛，句句傳入女孩的耳中，她的淚水決提，濕了她的襯衫。


如果她當初能理智一點就不會發生了，如果男孩不要愛上她就好了，她哭，哭的歇斯底里，因為這次男孩真的要離開她了，他現在只能等待死亡。

「我想妳應該進去看他．．．．．．」男孩的父親說，他的悲痛清楚的寫在臉上。

「好．．．．．．」女孩語不成聲，她只能不停的流淚。
女孩進了病房，見到男孩蒼白的臉，她淚水流的更兇。
「不要哭．．．．．．」男孩心疼的舉手擦拭女孩的淚。
「你好傻．．．．．．」女孩哭個不停。

「或許吧．．．．．．這個給妳．．．．．．」男孩張開緊握的手，一封沾了血的信。


「這是最後一封了，好好的看好嗎？」男孩說，眼角留下一滴淚。


「好．．．．．．」女孩接下那封信，清澈的淚水滴在信封上，混著暗紅乾涸的血。
「我真的能為妳做任何事．．．．．．」


這是男孩的最後一句話，他再也不能待在女孩身邊，他走了，女孩昏了過去。

『給最愛的妳：

愛上妳，多半是痛苦，我知道妳的心永遠不會交給我，可是我還是好愛好愛
妳．．．．．．

當初如果知道我的行為會讓妳無法自由的飛，我不會去做。
妳知道嗎？只要妳高興，我真的能為妳做任何事。

我知道當妳看這封信時，妳已經有喜歡的人了，放自己自由好嗎？


不要在強迫自己留在我身邊，我希望妳能活的快乐。




不要問我為什麼那麼傻。

能選擇要不要喜歡上一個人或愛上一個人嗎？喜歡上了，愛上了，就是了。

我會一直守護著妳，因為妳是我最愛的人，我真的能為妳做任何事，不管過了多少年，我都不曾改變。』


女孩收起了信，她的淚水已經不再流下，男孩離開她已經五年了，五年的時光也讓她從一個年輕的女孩蛻變為成熟的女人。

女孩的命，是男孩救的，但女孩的心，自始自終都不曾落在男孩身上。

『能選擇要不要喜歡上一個人或愛上一個人嗎？喜歡上了，愛上了，就是了。』
在蔚藍的天空裡，風裡似乎帶來男孩的低語。

女孩不能選擇，男孩也不能選擇，谁都不能選擇。

ENDS

所有的爱情故事的结局不一定是快乐的，就像这个故事里头的人物。如果是你，你会不会对男孩蠢蠢欲动呢？爱情是不能勉强的，因为勉强是没有幸福的。

我只是说一说我的内心话，所以一想到什么就说什么。

爱情的滋味到底是怎样的呢？
有朋友谈过恋爱，谈一谈经历，就说不想再去进入爱情的陷阱里。是为什么呢？
我想，也许是经历过不愉快的事情吧。被捆绑住？没有自由？没有自主权？甚至暴力？我想应该没有那么糟吧？
可能我一生中没有谈过恋爱而下定论，但如果我经历过了，就会明白他们会为什么这样说了。
另一个层次谈开来，遇到真爱？应该不容易吧？
我多么希望有一个异性的青梅竹马的好朋友／玩伴，或者很好关系的邻居一起读书。因为他可能比较了解你的性格，把你当成最最最要好的朋友看待，谈心，信任，我觉得这些都很重要。最完美的婚礼，就是:be at your best friend's wedding and the bride/groom is YOU
哇，我想得好远啊！
诶，想想看，我好像有童年得玩伴吧，他也是我的邻居，后来我得成绩没有比他好，小4进了不同班，同年，我搬走了，在学校就也很少碰面了。上了中学失去联络了。不晓得他还记得我这个傻傻蠢蠢的小妹妹吗？那，走在街上，他会认得我吗？响我打招呼吗？

又是一个寂寞的情人节夜晚了。
你在哪里呢？我好想念你啊！

yanting: if u manage to catch this line. i already found out how to decode liao!!! haha inform me if u see this message.=) taddaa.....

天涯海角，无边无际。
如果我们能在一起
唱一首歌会比　以前有感情
心有灵犀　就连太平洋也静静在聆听。。。

事情会有转捩点吗？

这应该是延续上一次我在这里诉苦的家家有本难念的经吧。

每一次从那边回来都有一些新的认识，就是对人与人之间的关系。甚至对婚姻有更深一层的了解　（还不算彻底的了解吧）。

婚姻是一场赌注，赢得话下半辈子都会过得幸福美满，如果输的话下半辈子就会吃不少苦头。不只这样，还会连累到孩子们，还有家人。家不再是避风港，甚至连我，要不是为了外婆，我也渐渐的不喜欢到那边度假了。每天忧忧愁愁的气氛，谁会喜欢呢？　那里迟早都会变得很冷清，很冷清。

就知道每当一回来时，那边的一通电话响就不是一件好事。上一次是因为家里糟进贼，这一次是红包不翼而飞。我们大家心理有所答案，但我们绝对不能没有证据而随便揣测。因为如果随便冤枉别人的话，对我们是很不利的。我突然很为 '她' 和 '他' 感到不幸，不幸因为怎么会有这样的母亲，千方百计都要找出破绽把工人赶出家门　（工人已经关在那破旧的地方好一段长时间了，因为她的胡言乱语，他不敢出门）。他和她都有那种想法，想逃的念头。也难怪，以我们的性格，如果我生长在那种家庭，我早就远走高飞了。家里以前无端端吵吵闹闹，谁会想回来呢？　知道发生什么事情的人，就会了解为什么她和他会对妈这么冷漠，无情，那不知道事情来龙去脉的人，会以为哪来的不肖子女这样对待这个亲生母亲。天啊，母亲。。。哪有母亲会和孩子争最后一碗的红豆汤？和孩子争电视节目看？睡到不明不白的时间起来就会骂人？她要去学小提琴，就因为他要睡觉的大便理由叫她不要去上课？好吃的自己吃，不好吃就让给别人？不知道有没有念经驺别人死？又因为什么琐碎的小事的大便理由打她和他，说是教导孩子的方式，结果孩子能开口的就只是yes or no ？甚至甚至甚至，和孩子勒索钱，咖啡店里低声下气，这种丢人显眼的事都能做。拜托，自己的孩子leh。吃了工人不少（真的不少）薪水。什么事情就添油加醋，以为自己是永远对的。

他和她真的失去了童年，但我希望他们能振作起来扭转乾坤，自己靠自己养活自己，拜托这种生活方式。
从童年的害怕，到发抖，到厌倦，到不理不睬，到憎恨。。。　还能继续下去吗？

当年如果选择离婚，事情就不会那么复杂了。但如果要离，何必等到现在呢？15年前应该离了，但焰不下这口气，舍不得放走孩子。

一想到她和他的处境，我不禁留下眼泪。他会改过吗？都几十年了，存心要改的话应早就改了。

我还是那句话：我是幸福的。但是夹心饼，不好当

updates on my CNY happenings

alright the previous post was just some rants which occured to me along the way
just had a little time to do some mass blogging.
my CNY trip wasnt that exciting after all except that we went to times square on thurs

the childish family had this photo taken in times square
had a great time changing trains to travel from places to places

the poor dog (sorry my photos jumbled about here and there
his name is JOJO - a new dog to protect the house in case of any emergency

the tom yam soup i had when we go to this place ( i cant remember the name)
it's a dining area which looks sth like a dark cave in egypt
the soup wasnt that nice either but i like the atmosphere

my mum was complaining abt why dining must sit on the floor which makes her legs so uncomfortable... great experience we had after all
and i bought several clothings

guess what?
i openly try a skirt with my pants on in the shop
and many skirts are having a hard time squeezing into my boops (this language sounds weird right? should be the other way round)
and black blouse and a free size white shirt and a vest
which cost me around RM 50 altogether..
real cheap and good

that was just the highlight of the trip
nothing more to blog about either

oh and this cat!!!
her name is vicky
getting older and lazier
so the house has a dog on the front yard and 2 cats (i donno where is the other one)
at the back yard
when they meet ... they see each other and walk away
hahahha

wasnt free on sat cuz i went tution, bai bai and some bainianing





went to uncle francis house on sunday and took pics of his little
so chubbingly cute!
he just bump on me and exert his weight on me and i couldnt even move when i have to move to another place to take this photo



a reunion!