don't turn me off!

for this week. there's no holiday. well i should be happy cuz i can work for five days(that sounds weird right?) ever since i somehow lost my tuition job. i've been slacking at home during weekends. no outings no nothing. bored. however, i dont feel at all happy this week. not because of the workload. just thinking over abt my decisions. sometimes it isnt good to make fast decisions in life yet. esp since when we havent enter uni. i had always wanted to become a teacher. well at least. that was my 'ambition' in sec sch. somehow this week. i donno why i have the sudden fear of it. perhaps it's due to the show. sometimes i see teachers so stressed up with the heavy workload and responsibility. don even have the time to eat. much less being a sec sch teacher. they don even have the time to eat a proper meal and chit chat.

i had a long long chat with N and H on monday during lunch. much or less a preaching session. i started to think abt what i want in life? only teaching? i may not end up in whatever i want in the end. maybe i will change in the middle of uni? i just dont know and i am not confident at all. cuz i was worrying abt my uni choices since then. so they told me abt many many out of topic stuff such as jobs, marriage and even life ... (thats totally out of the question) i started to question myself. do i really really want teaching? what is it that keeps my passion going? am i prepared to enter teaching? perhaps this is the reason which holds me back from teaching. which is why i feel fine when MOE hasnt informed me abt anything yet. to keep my choices open. which is what miss cheng told me today. i dont wish to be turned off by teaching. no please. congrats to karen who just got her TS. i have to wait again and again. but i think im turned down due to my extreme grades. am i?


wasnt in the correct mood to teach. was dreaming abt what was said. didnt even hear my students calling me and asking for help. also on tues. was in a whirl of mind and i accidentally splash ink on table and my paper. luckily it was my paper and was so sorry abt esther's shirt and paper. so paiseh! a million apologies to her...

watched student council investiture on wed. was thinking abt that day when i was invited to pj's SC investiture when i was still a sec sch councillor. it looks great, much much better than my sch. i dreamt to be up there one day next year when i was j1. so i came pj, took a great step to join SC but i couldnt get in due to lack of votes. to be an 8th councillor. if i could pass election i would be there. as an alumni of SC. i missed 8th and 9th investiture. and there i was today, watching the investiture again when 10th student council stepped up. i think my life would be different if i am a student councillor. both the positive and negative. positive: i'll be more outspoken and daring, trained with leadership skills. negative: stressed up everyday and affect my studies cuz SC can be rather time consuming...

finally gave away my notes to my juniors. solving that big pile of notes on my table. piling up like mount fuji! was staying at the GO today counting piles and piles of MF15. erasing some pencil markings of some naughty students who wrote on them.

went in to a class to relief. it was like so long since i went in to relief classes. despite going in laoban's classes to sit in and help students. on wed i relief s19. shortest math lesson ever. due to the 15 mins pushed back, then 10 mins of temp taking. then around 15 mins of lesson, 3 math question. then i released them 5 mins early to go down to the hall. on thursday i relief s27. nth much, just a quiz and a worksheet...

on thursday it's the alchemist day. btw this week was science week. was giving remedial when the concourse is having exhibitions on science expts... kinda noisy and had to fight with the noise.
RTs are having 'boards fight'... not enough boards on the second level. and kinda trouble some to share boards, front and the back due to the spaces between tables constraint. tables between tables are having different lessons. so need to catch their attention.

friday's lesson was a terror. this class of boys are so noisy... terrible.
'cher, i want to fail my dept test.'
'why?! fail for wad?'
'so that i can come to the class and see you' (they mean to sit in and listen to more)
was thinking: omg i don want to see u!!!! get lost..
HAHA
had another class of students combined with them
one so noisy, the other too quiet. difficult to balance and catch attention cuz the noisy ones are always answering my question
had a meeting on thurs. and all math rts are wearing blue today... omg. i don wanna wear same colour as some of them...
mr chua said something which will nv erase off my mind since he said this: as a teacher, we cannot choose our own students
some RT find it difficult to teach his students because he didnt build a good rapport with this class cuz of his crappy style.
this is a challenge that the teacher needs to overcome.
i find this very true. i would love to teach students (in jc) who are spontaneous, hardworking, responsive and daring to ask. so that my lesson would be engaging and fun, lively as what i have experienced before in 07S25
however, i met students who are very quiet and doesnt listen to me, doing their own work when im talking. at the same time, i met students who are very engaging in my lesson. imagine, both kinds of students tgt in the same class.
this is the challenge that i must overcome. perhaps change the way i teach? and not reject the students.
i believe yt had to do some compromising as well.
but i m lucky i didnt meet some students who are difficult to deal with=))

supposed to have a ball session on friday but ... due to some circumstances we couldnt play tgt.
so sad...

it wasnt a good week of work this week. mood swings. problems in my mind. sianzzz.
monday is a holiday again. come on pple! i want to play on this day!
my father would be going to brunei again for a month or so. then after that i would go to malaysia with my family. and then my mum would stay there for a month. both my parents take turns.

but one thing that makes me happy this week. (sounds weird after i've said this)
we can work til end of july!