Seriously, I doubt and question myself these few days. I have been troubled over a series of issues. I know I shouldn't bring my emotions and feelings to work because that's just not being very professional. I mean it's very childish of me too because I'm just on attachment there and what's so stressed and upset I could get right???

1) Instep. I'm worried that my roomie is not going. I seriously hope that she can go so I wouldn't feel lonely for the trip. And she herself can enjoy the trip together with us too. I know she badly wants to go. And me too. I was very excited about it at first. But seems like alot of people are withdrawing due to timetable matters, personal matters. I want to "party in the USA". Looks like I can't really PARTEYYYY you know? And this is only the beginning. I have to also take into consideration the culture and the people over there in Canda. I have never been outside of Asia before. To think to handle everything by myself. I can't. If plan changes, I have to settle everything all again through MOE, my residence plan, and what so ever. I don't mind the paying part, cuz I have no choice. It's the vacancy of the flights again. Well, who knows what will happen? My rule still stays, I would never ever go to a place alone... My one and only golden rule for my trip.

2) How does it feel like to be worried for somebody and something but that person doesn't even know or care about me and my feelings? I'm starting/ or have already feel a distance apart. Or is it that we are initially also not that close afterall, but only perceived to be close by other people? I'm not feeling very good. But I don't want to show my feelings to other people. I don't want to let people worry about me. Maybe you couldn't understand this point afterall. That's the reason why I appear so non-chalant? Because I don't want to let my feelings or sadness affect other people. I sleep all my sadness away, waking up feeling very tired. Sometimes I am really angry. Or rather it's my fault for hiding my feelings so you don't even know that I'm angry, upset, or disappointed with certain things. It's just a matter of the level of understanding afterall. I don't wanna lose the friendship. Maybe I just have to learn to let it go. Forget about all the feelings tied. I'm going on a long trip anyway. Away from Singapore. I'll definitely miss the people who I hold dear in my heart, for I don't know who. Ask my heart then...

3) Teaching. Well, still a beginner, on attachment. Shouldn't be feeling stressed but I think I feel more sian more. I don't know why, just this week only. Probably with the fear of teaching infront of alot of people for the first time. With some frowns looking at you. And I have not been going in early these few days. And this cannot happen anymore! I'm getting from bad to worse. I shall not be late tomorrow!!! I had alot of questions. Can I control the kids well? Can I project my voice loud enough? Can I handle the heavy workload? Can I maintain a good and healthy relationship with them? Do I look like a teacher? Do I know my stuff well? Am I prepared enough?

Anyway, I think I'm bringing my emotions to school every morning, which I shouldn't be doing. Though it's not very obvious, but I can still feel I am a little bit distracted. That was just for the first lesson when I sat through values education. Teaching us how to "listen actively", I'll keep that in mind. I feel quite relaxed today as I don't have to teach today. But I sat in all Mr Chue's classes today. The first class was so much different. at least I would something expect in a neighbourhood school setting. With students having ADHD problems, and some other problems which are unknown to me. Things like "My dog is very hungry, eat away my paper, CHER! I got do!" Shouting across the whole class. I am not yet settled down. Two guys planted their seats both beside me. All I could do was just to help them with their work. I told one of them, there is a mistake in ur integration. He suddenly screamed so loudly beside me and I was totally stunned, bang the table somemore. So my teacher have to do something to him. This kind of situation, cuz I'm a female teacher. I wouldn't know how to handle yet. Another one, I just ask him, "eh why are you so slow, still at this page?" "Cher I got suspended lah..." Oops, perhaps I should be more sensitive when I ask questions too. These students were generally bright but they lack the proper environment. for once, I feel sympathy for them. I start to see this people in a different light. Back then in my school, I thought everyone was like that, trying to make trouble for teachers. But still, there are some notorious ones, don't know what they are doing. Sometimes I tried to run away when they start to call me for help. Still, I tried to help them as much as I can. So long, as they don't make noise and trouble.

Heard from my colleague that my mentor taught real well today!!! He used some cute softtoys to explain kinematics. I think I missed out a good show by him since I was with him for the past one week. But nvm, the previous class was an eye-opener too. 4S students are also lovable, interactive. I don't know how well Ti taught them yesterday. I still feel that there should be improvememts. But my mentor say it was alright just that I have to go faster and walk more rounds! haha! Okay 4S tmr I bring a friend with me!

The second class was so peaceful. I tag along with my colleague. "Cher why you got so many friends?" "Why you jealous arh?" Though this class I only been there once. I still think I feel more friendly with them and was more strict with my 4S. Trying to explain the same concept til my saliva dried. At least FINALLY they got what I am saying. One thing very funny is, I was trying to explain something quietly while the teacher is teaching. Suddenly, he said, "JIA XIN PLEASE LOOK UP" I got a shock and look up, luckily didn't let out some sound. I look around, chey, he is calling a student who has the same name as me. Then my colleague is laughing at the back... -_-"""

The thing that made my day was the students' friendly faces. One of the at-risk students commented me to my colleague saying that, "She is a very good teacher." I didn't hear it because I was consulting my mentor at the same time outside 4S. That was when my colleague told me and I feel so motivated afterall.

Which is why I say, students made my day! It's so unexpected... =))