I didn't know PMS could be so bad. Have I really really got PMS?

A few days before the onset, I got really disturbed by my devil mind. Images, thoughts which are really really, you wouldn't expect a normal girl like me to have them, to an extent I thought I have some abnormal psychological symptoms, are lingering in my mind deliberately. I know if I don't put my attention to these thoughts, I have no intentions at all. But, I don't know, it's like, something is forcing me to this devil thought. Until these few days, I got especially tensed up. Adding on to the menstrual cramps, I feel utterly terrible. I was thinking should I go see a doctor, since it's not normal and also detrimental to be having bad thoughts in my mind.

Until it finally subside, it got really better, but still, the forced devil thoughts are still lingering in my mind here and there. I tried reciting prayers, listening to songs to distract my mind away, or having a big laugh with my parents, watching a super lame TV, having an early night sleep. My daily routines are usual, nothing has changed. Rather, it has been pretty good. I wake up in the morning (but I don't wish to have bad thoughts lingering my mind as I wake up), I dreamt normally as usual, then I got up of bed, preparing to go to work as usual. Work doesn't give me any stress these days. I eat my bread and read newspapers as usual, eat an early lunch as usual, snacking on grapes as usual. Went home as usual, very routine based. Reached home, bathed, dinner as usual. Then watching prime time TV shows. Even my bio clock didn't fail me, I would yawn around 9 plus and I will go to sleep normally at 10 plus. I get tired as usual, my stomach growls as usual.

So, what is bothering me? It's just the stupid mind that I want to get rid away. Or is it am I living a life too peaceful and smooth such that, I have nothing to keep me preoccupied? Aiya, I don't know la. I just don't want to think about it. And it's over. I want the real self back.

But so now, I feel tensed on my neck when I swallow, or the little side effect of my acid reflux throat problems? I need to relax.

I read an article that it's about the quality of your mind and thoughts, if you think good, you will be good, if you think it's bad, then you will be bad. Something along this line, it's like, about how you treat your beliefs. Alot of things are control by your mindset, and also, not to let them control you. Which is why, I keep searching articles on how to cheer myself up. Other than that, I don't know how to help myself feel better, and be a better person. I really hope I will destroy all the unwanted and unhealthy thoughts. A normal human being will surely have some bad thoughts and impulses, especially college students (quoted by wiki), that's normal. Well, I hope I'm normal too and, the way I deal with problems.

Cheer up jiaxin!