我到底怎么了？

最近和一个好朋友谈了好久，突然感触良多。

当初是我要她跟我一起去一个新的环境试一试，但因为我某种原因舍不得离开，我把她一个人丢在那里。我很自私，对吧？但是看到她豁然开朗的样子，叫人不得不放心，还有些担心呢。但是认识到这位知心的好友，自己处境和我一样，也真够幸福的。

心理很乱，她并没有怪我。但是我的心里还是过意不去。

但是现在又怎么了？
我无意间失去了一个很要好很要好的好友，就连不知道什么理由，不明不白。
隔了一年后终于知道原因，还是从别人的口中说的。但是又怎么样？都无法挽回了。

现在，是不是因为我而搞到气氛恶劣，甚至不知道什么原因。是自己太愚蠢了吗？承担一些没人要管的责任，最后错的不是别人而是自己。请问我到底哪里错了？我不要再管了。。。

我终于明白信任这两个字的含义在何处了。

second lesson: don't kaypo
third lesson: never never assume.

每次always kanna the 中间人. Donno how to face both sides of the extreme. I don’t want others to think that I got split personality or wadsoever. I just wanna be myself. I just want to do what I think is right and what I think isn’t. is that so difficult? I merely want to help things get going, is that so difficult?
Ok, frankly I don’t like to hate anybody nor dislike somebody or wad. It’s not easy for me to hate anybody unless that person comes to offend me or wad.
All the more I will only dislike certain actions that somebody do to me and just ignore them when they repeat such acts or behaviour towards me. Same to my family members.

But no matter what, everybody has good sides to the story. If u are good to me, of cuz I’ll be good to u. but of cuz, I’ll be good to u first.

I myself cannot take a stand for me, being in the neutral stand is always a pain. But taking on the extreme may be too subjective of one. Not say like or don’t like, sometimes is when u want to avoid confusions or misunderstandings, or when also to avoid people forming wrong concepts of you. You may say I’m a 缩头乌龟 or wad to prevent troubles from happening. I have already enough of that in the past. Just that I don’t want to kick a big fuss up.

Being very close with the different types of pple may not be a good thing. Depends on how u look at it and get things going.

I should have maintain my 座右铭 like that time I made up my mind in chalet,
fourth lesson: NOT TO SAY ANYTHING, JUST FOLLOW
Same like that in manhanttan fish market.
I should have done the same thing again this time round.

So who is at fault? I’m sure everybody心知肚明.

I am always neutral, but you may think that I’m always extreme.

sorry to have said this out of pique