两头不到岸

I don't want to 两头不到岸... seriously.

I come here to experience the life of a Canada student in university. None did I expect that the culture is quite different from me. Especially the partying part. I don't enjoy partying. Rather, I don't enjoy partying with the wrong people that I don't feel comfortable initially to begin with. I can proudly say I have been to one, to experience it. But I don't really enjoy. So there is no point continuing with this.

My parents told me to concentrate on my studies. At the same time, I would also want to travel around to see see look look. Travelling has always been my wish and dream. However, with the "wrong people" I am with now, plus, studies have been flopping. I really really lose this momentum and motivation. And my parents don't like the idea of me going to too many places around. Which is why sometimes I am bounded with dilemmas, constraints, people don't understand that. Background is different. Stop expecting my life to be the same as others.

Got back my midterms today, as expected. But I didn't expect myself to pass. Still, second lowest in class. So what if I attend classes every day? Most of the time, I am either tired, or not paying attention. I want to pay full attention! I tell myself I will. What happen to the spirit then? Why do people play as hard as me, and also study harder than me? When I appear to study harder than them, but apparently I'm not? When I am distracted by personal feelings, I can't concentrate at all. It's week 6 already. Why am I feeling so tired? I guess I have been lazing around doing other unconstructive things. I need more time. I always have lesser time than other people to do more things that I want.

I hope midterms today will be good. I tried my best to write everything I can think of. At least it it not that bad lah.

I made decision to go for the outdoor trip tomorrow. I seriously feel like idiot for creating the picnic page when it was already known that the picnic will be held tomorrow. I'm sorry to say, I wasn't inform at all so ya... I take it as nothing happen. I'm quite excited to go and meet new people. Initially I thought it is better to take courses with someone else I know. But now it feels like, I could have gone alone and go classes alone. That's what most of the Canadian students here are doing. Well anyway, I hope tomorrow's trip is gonna turn out fun!