Everything has come to an end.

Exchange has officially ended for me. Time really flies. I still remember the time, 16 Aug when I depart from Singapore. It was rather scared for me, flying off alone with two other guys for travel, know nuts about the place that we are going. I am writing this long post on the plane. Kinda cool. I just can’t sleep, not as smooth as I were to normally be on a transport. 4 months has passed so fast. That time on the plane towards Canada, I thought: What would be my feeling on the plane back after exchange. Will it be sad? Happy?

Thinking on the last 4 months, I departed with majority of afraid, more than anything else. Because it is my first time travelling so far away, alone (without family members). I started to get use to the feeling of being independent, not that im not in the past. But I really have to depend on myself wherever I go, as I will be not lucky as some others who will always get help from people around. I don’t remember any sense of excitement either, even though I’m going to so many places in USA. Maybe because of the people I travel with, are not as close to me, perhaps just only acquaintances. And I thought, will we become good friends after the whole exchange? I guess, I shall see. Looking at the way that time when we depart together. I highly doubt so.

USA was rather okay. The first two stops were rather tiring, maybe because it is just the start of everything? Starting to get use to a western culture. A whole complete extreme of cultures of both worlds. I still remember how my legs hurt on uncomfortable shoes for the first day, how I couldn’t sleep the first night due to time difference. And how I travelled with my legs so pain walking miles and miles in Washington DC, but that was the best night of my USA trip. Then how busy New York is, when my roommate joined us. How dangerous the city was, and how disastrous it was when we tried to escape hurricane Irene. And the highlight was, missing our flight to Las Vegas. That night was a total disaster. Upon knowing that we have no where else to go but to take a 3 day long greyhound bus ride from East to West. New York to Los Angeles. How many times I cried. And how many times I keep getting concern and console from my family and friends. Perhaps, this is what makes me grow up. Challenges like this, the obstacles that we face. But thinking back, never ever do people do this. 3 day long bus ride. That will be an unforgettable experience that 4 of us had.

After which, the journey was smooth. I enjoyed myself both in LA and San Francisco, SF was rather cold though. But at that time, I was already very tired. Tired of hearing shopping everyday. Tired because I realized how am I different from the rest of them. Travelling makes one see the true colours of people. I really want to go somewhere to settle down. And London here I come. London, not the UK one. But London in Ontario, Canada.

I have been a while in Canada when I just touched down. I think Canadians are rather warm and friendly, which makes me feel at home. And there we are, settled down in Lambton Hall. And school starts two days later. I rarely had some time to rest around and get my energy going on. I chose to take 6 courses, which initially I had planned for 5. I wondered how can I cope, but I was willing to give a try. I was abit regretting about it. Because I don’t know why deep down inside me. I was so tired, that I couldn’t concentrate well in class. Maybe because, subconsciously, I thought because it was pass fail so I don’t really care about it. I don’t know why I keep falling asleep in class which I rarely do in NTU. I could not concentrate well. Poor time management. Or is it I’m missing my family and friends in SG? Just the starting of school, new people, new lecturers, new environment, new style of studying. I had this struggle for very long. I did not do well in tests and exams. But, I have a large feeling in me that I want to do well here. I want to prove myself that I can study well given in a foreign environment. But everyone tells me I just need a pass. That’s the kind of internal struggle that I struggled for very long. Upon with decisions of travelling, especially Florida and Las Vegas. Comes the cost of missing lessons. Well, I decided not to because it will be costly to travel to LV. The place that I still would want to go. But, not with the two of them.
That aside, I have tried many new things that I don’t in the past. Going clubbing and pubbing, drinking so much that I have never done before. I don’t even know my drinking limit. And my first time, I drank beer and 2 shots of tequila. I guess that is the way of life for Canadians. Partying partying ooo! I really I am not a party person, I dislike going out so late at night especially when the weather is so cold.
I tried cooking also. And I burnt my pot somehow. But I realized, I am not bad at cooking afterall. And I enjoyed it, improving each time and everyday. I spend so much time in the kitchen. And I was wondering if it takes away my study time. But then again, I just need a pass. HAHA! This mentality… Seriously. That was a great sense of achievement that I long ago want to do. But just don’t know how to start. At least, now I can put food on my table, all by myself.

Living with a roommate. I didn’t live in hall before, much less to say live with another person under one roof. It takes a lot to really get use to the lifestyle of another person. To accommodate is a virtue. But accommodating too much is frustrated. I don’t deny that I was frustrated at times. For example, why am I doing so much things that she should share as well. Why am I cooking when it is her turn to cook? Why am I washing dishes all the time when I see dishes left not washed, and lying around in the kitchen. How many time I was angry with her for not cooking when she said she wants to. This little things causes a little misunderstanding. How many times I went into episodes of annoying and irritation because of interpersonal relationships with them. It’s my own problem. I thought and thought, which explains most of my upset blog posts. That was the time I had my downs, perhaps I am just trying to adapt. Does the problem lie with me or am I thinking too much. I even thought of seeing a psychologist. But I guess I should try and deal with my problem. At times, I was really indecisive about going travelling with them. Because different people have different travelling goals. Hard to blame. Where in the world would you find a girl who dislikes shopping. But then again, it allows me to see more things in life, that I normally neglected, way too much. Maybe it’s time for a change somehow.

But I appreciate her for lending me a helping hand, taking time to console me when I had my problems. I may not be fun to be with. At least, talking to me makes me feel better. But this don’t last long, I began to live alone for 2 months. Maybe because of the problems between us? I don’t know. That I maybe better off alone, rather than facing a group of people I don’t really feel at home with. I took off time alone to spend with outdoor clubs and my peer guide. Meeting new people makes me more independent and at ease. Went for two trails within one day. I get to explore nature in Canada in this way, which is what I want.

I started to think and think. Was it the problem with me? Am I really hard to talk to? Why is it that I am being treated the different way? Or is it they are just so unreasonable? Why are they so hostile? I even thought of going to see a psychologist to talk about my problems. I began to doubt people and began to regret my decision of choosing Canada for exchange. That was when my expectations and reality become incongruent. I was afraid I couldn’t meet my goals I set. I wanted to make things happen. I really wished to go to Montreal so I make things happen with other people instead. I started to cheer up after the Montreal trip with another group of NTU friends. A nicer group of people whom I can click better with. And that’s where I became closer to SL, I really thank him for keeping me company most of the time when I am alone, eat lunch with me, study with me. Feed me with so many food. (I think I gain a lot of weight!) It feels more like a home when all of us eat dinner together. Then I felt, I don’t have to be alone again. A couple of times I thought, I really want to go back to Singapore and don’t want to live that kind of life again.

All in all, I feel I have learnt a lot in life. And I know more about myself, and what I want in life. I am all prepared to lead a new and refreshed life in Singapore!
I have actually fulfilled most of the things:
1) Cook!
2) Travel to as many as places as I can in Canada – Montreal, Quebec & Ottawa
3) Tried clubbing and pubbing, drinking!
4) Made a couple of close international friends
5) Made at least one close friend in NTU
6) Nature walks in Canada
7) See snow
8) Tried ice skating
9) (Haven’t play snow and make snowman yet )
10) (Haven’t tried song signing with gloves yet)
11) Watch a Canadian Movie
12) Been to a Canadian traditional festival
13) (Haven’t been to a thanksgiving dinner)
14) (Haven’t been to a Concert)

But actually Canada don’t have much nice food. I just miss the people and the slow pace of life there. Ultimately, I still have to go back where I’m from.