Egoism vs Altruism.

I am the latter, though I thought I am the former. Am I? Only I know myself best.

This is such a complicated world, not as simple as I thought. My Uncle from US always say this to me: 哎呀，这个很简单的，很简单的。。。Is that always so easy? Maybe he places everything in an easy mode. But, it came to me that, not all the things are as easy as I thought, as always reminded before and I got struck since then. Even though I want things to be easy, they just can't. Sometimes I think, one's feelings is justified by how he/she prioritised certain things in life, in his/her heart. However, is that really so difficult? Or mission impossible to "understand"? I admit I cannot understand myself either. With alot of dilemmas in my head and thoughts, well at least, I know where I begin and where I end. Are reasons important? As to why things work this way? And not the usual way? Then, I seek my own understanding and reasoning. However, a lesson learnt thus far, never assume that other people are thinking the same way as you are. Put yourself into other people's shoes. My mum always scold me for this. Being very impulsive and persistent (it's just a nicer word to replace 'stubborn').

Many more new challenges have come. For example, MOE TA. I am both happy and worried. Happy because I am shortlisted means I have a chance. One and only one chance though there is always another chance of applying it again. But I stubbornly wants to take it as only one chance and seize it. Worried because I have high hopes, falling would mean despair. And worried because of my current course as well. What am I going to do? Would they think I'm fickle-minded as well?

Another challenge I wanna put into my life is, to understand what I want, to understand myself and my aims. This is difficult because you can't possibly understand everything. But at least, I will feel much comfortable living. And also, to understand how things work out certain ways. "Life is a journey of self-discovery." Each day I would like to discover new things. Surprising ya?

I am always childish as ever. This is the time to grow up and turn more unknowns into knowns.

I love the silent nights staying infront of my laptop, sometimes enjoying the silence of the night, sometimes chatting with friends. It just feel safe. Or sometimes I would get a nice sleep in a comfortable place. It just feels safe.